A Little Bit of Joy
by raisingme
Summary: Set post 5x7. Gail finds out who Holly's "someone else" is.


"So you're telling me that _this_ is your 'someone else' that you're seeing? Jesus fuckin' Christ, Holly!"

"Language!" she hissed.

"Um," Gail paused for a moment, trying to come up with the right words. "James friggin' Christmas?"

Holly tilted her head back and groaned at the woman in her living room.

"Are you at least going to tell me her name?"

"Maureen," she replied. Her tone flat.

"Seriously? Who the crap names their kid _Maureen_? That's a horrible name!"

"It also happens to be my mother's name." The brunette was now glaring at the woman standing in her living room.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"This is stupid, Holly. Not telling me about this sooner, I mean, not"

"No, Gail. This" she gestured between the two women "is what is stupid."

"I'm not stupid," she softly replied, staring at the floor momentarily. "But I am in love," she continued, raising her head to look the other woman in the eyes.

"No, Gail, of course you're not stupid." There was care and concern in Holly's voice. She took a step forward before continuing. "I just mean that this, you here...this is stupid." She groaned. "That didn't come out right, wh-"

"You didn't come out right." Gail smirked.

"What?" Holly shook her head, not even realizing that the blonde was trying to make a joke.

"It was a joke. Look, nevermind." Gail took a step forward to continue to close the distance between the two women. "Me being here isn't stupid. I'm in love with you, an-"

Holly couldn't bear to hear Gail say that she was in love with her again, so she quickly interrupted the woman. "MJ."

"What?" A confused expression formed on the officer's face.

"Her name's Maureen, but everyone calls her MJ. Maureen Joy."

"Oh. Okay." There was a momentary silence between the two the two of them. Gail shifted uncomfortably, not sure what to say or do. Suddenly the silence was broken.

"How was I supposed to tell you about this, Gail?" The brunette stared at the woman in front of her, now only a few feet away. It's as if she was pleading with her. "You never returned any of my texts or phone calls after that night at the Penny. I mean, I left you so many voicemails, Gail. I just figured that you weren't listening to them anymore. Did you even read the texts that I sent?" Her voice choked at the end, tears beginning to form.

Gail was certain that her heart was breaking into a million pieces. She had been such a fool. She was so wrapped up in her own issues and insecurities, it never occurred to her how much Holly had been hurt by her radio silence. At this point the two women were at most, two feet apart, but to Gail it felt like it might as well be two thousand miles. Her arms literally ached from being unable to hold Holly. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around her, tell her how much she loved her, and somehow make it all better. Unfortunately, Gail knew that there were no quick fixes to the situation that they now found themselves in. The addition of MJ certainly wasn't going to make any of this easy. Yet, Gail didn't care. She knew that she loved Holly, and she was going to do whatever she needed to do to prove that to her.

"I was selfish and so wrapped up in myself and my insecurities that I completely forgot about you." Gail was surprised at how quickly all of that came tumbling out of her mouth. "I mean, I didn't forget about you, Holly, fuck"

"Language!" she hissed.

"Right...um, anyway, I didn't really forget about you. You were all I could think about, but I was selfish, and I just thought of my own feelings. I should have been thinking about you and your feelings, and...I just...look, I suck at this, Holly. I'm sorry. I messed up, big time. But I still love you, and I want to try to make this work. And I'm pretty sure that you still have feelings for me too. I don't care about MJ, I"

Her rambling was quickly cut off by Holly's laughter.

"What? What's so funny?" Gail made a face at the brunette, confused about why she was laughing.

"You think that the best way to to fix our relationship is to tell me that you don't give a crap about the child that I now have to raise?" Holly adjusted the sleeping toddler in her arms.

"What?! No! No, no, no. That's not went I meant at all , Holly. I," Gail took a step forward, closing the distance between the two women, and gently ran her fingers through MJ's dirty blonde curls, "_care_ about MJ. Of course I do." She sweetly smiled at Holly, their bodies mere inches apart. "What I meant was, I'm not bothered that you have her now. I'm not going to be deterred. I don't want to not get back together because of MJ. You can't get rid of me that easily." Gail grinned. "I'm not jumping out of the tree over this."

"Right, you only jump when a friend of mine makes an offhand comment about you." Holly's jaw clenched.

Gail was taken aback by the comment. "Uh...okay, I deserved that."

"And then completely ignore all my attempts to contact you, and apologize, and try to explain to you how I felt, how I loved you, and"

"So you admit that you love me too?" Gail cheekily grinned at Holly as she spoke.

"Gail, that's not the point." The doctor quickly became flustered. She could feel her face flushing. She certainly hadn't meant to tell Gail that she loved her...certainly not now. Not after Gail had ignored her for three weeks. Not after Holly found out that Sarah had died. Not after she now was put in charge of the small child in her arms.

"Yes, it is."

"Gail, it's so much more complicated than that now, I," suddenly MJ began to stir in Holly's arms. She tried to readjust the sleeping toddler, but before she knew what was happening, the toddler was crying, no _shrieking_, at the top of her lungs. And that was it. That was what pushed Holly over the edge. She could no longer keep her emotions in check, and as MJ wailed in her arms, the tears began to stream down the doctor's cheeks.

Gail saw the distress on Holly's face, and quickly sprung into action. "Hey, MJ. Come 'ere, baby girl." She took the still shrieking and squirming toddler from Holly and cradled her in her arms, bouncing around the living room while trying her best to soothe the clearly distraught child. "Shhhh, I know, baby girl. I would be upset about that too. I can't believe that Aunty Holly thought I wouldn't want to meet you. That really is a crisis, isn't it?" Gail smirked as she glanced over to the pathologist before continuing. "I know! Who wouldn't want to meet you? I think that's why Aunty Holly didn't want me to meet you, MJ. I don't think that she wanted to have to share you with me. Nope. You are just too awesome for sharing. Aunty Holly wanted to keep you all for herself."

Holly was now smiling through her tears. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Here was Gail, who only a few hours earlier had freely admitted to still acting like a child herself, consoling and taking care of the _actual_ child that Holly was now responsible for. The sudden realization that she was now a parent snuck up on the doctor for the 5,498th time in the past week. She felt as if she had been punched in the gut, and was fairly certain that she was going to throw up. Gail glanced up at just that moment, and noticed the panic stricken look on Holly's face.

"MJ and I are fine, if you need to take a few minutes." She smiled warmly at Holly, and continued to rock the now very content toddler in her arms. Holly responded with a tight smile before quickly walking up the stairs.

* * *

About thirty minutes passed before Holly left the bathroom to come back downstairs. She hadn't meant to spend that long in there, but once she closed the door she was immediately overcome with emotion. And bile rising in her throat. After she threw up, Holly splashed some cool water on her face before sitting on the floor to lean against her bathtub. Eyes closed, she let her head roll back and she did her best to think of nothing. All she had been doing the past few weeks was think, and she was tired of it. She was tired of _everything_. Holly was sure that even breathing was becoming too exhausting to even be worth it. Her eyes burned as the tears continued to stream down her face. She momentarily thought back to the last time she was in that bathroom with Gail, and she smiled. She wasn't smiling when she first walked in the blonde, whose hair appeared to have been attacked by a lawnmower. She chuckled softly at the memory.

_Ugh, life._

_I know, right? Who needs it?_

_I mean you can plan, plan, and prepare, but it doesn't really matter, because things just go where they want to go._

...

_Not exactly a fairy tale._

_No._

_Hmmm. But still kinda beautiful though._

_Oh really?_

_Yeah._

That conversation suddenly seemed very relevant to the situation that Holly currently found herself in. This certainly wasn't a fairy tale, but perhaps this could still turn into something beautiful. Holly had all these plans for her life, as did Sarah, but life seemed to have other ideas. And now here she was, a single parent, where three weeks ago she was childfree and had a girlfriend. She quietly groaned to herself, remembering that night at the Penny. That was the beginning of the end of Holly's plans regarding her life. It was the first domino that fell. Everything simply snowballed after that. Gail walked out. She refused to respond to any of Holly's texts or phone calls. A week later her mother called to say that Sarah had been in an accident. Then another week after that, and...Holly couldn't bear to even think of about it anymore. She quickly got up from the bathroom floor and once again splashed cool water on her face. She gripped the bathroom sink tightly and stared at herself in the mirror, in an attempt to will her mind into submission. _Pull yourself together, Stewart._

* * *

When Holly finally came back down the stairs and walked into the living room, she saw Gail sitting by herself on the couch.

"Hey."

"Hey. MJ fell back asleep so I put her to bed. Changed her diaper first, of course." Gail smiled kindly at Holly. "And uh," the blonde ducked her head slightly, making sure to avoid eye contact with the pathologist, "your bedroom door was open, and I saw this" she waved the baby monitor in the air "so I grabbed it before coming back down here. I hope it's okay." Gail paused for a moment. "That I went in there, I mean."

"Yeah, it's fine, Gail." Holly smiled warmly at the woman as she leaned on the arm of the sofa.

"Anyway, I don't work tomorrow...and not to be mean, Holly, but you really look like shit, so I'll do baby duty tonight. You need a good night's sleep."

"Excuse me?"

"I told you I wasn't being mean, Lunchbox." She smiled sweetly at the woman standing above her. "But seriously, you go to bed, and I'm going to crash here on the couch. I've got this," Gail once again waved the baby monitor in her hand, "so if MJ wakes up I'll take care of her."

"Gail."

"I'm serious. You need a good night's sleep. Go to bed."

"Gail."

"And you can't do this alone. Like I said, you look like shit. Clearly it's not working."

Holly scoffed. "Is this how you charm all the ladies, Officer?"

"Only the ones I love." Gail put her hand up to stop Holly from speaking. "I know, I know, I know. We have to talk. I get that. I agree. And we'll talk sometime tomorrow, I promise. But for tonight, just let me help you...okay?" Gail's eyes were pleading with Holly, _begging_ her to just let Gail help.

And suddenly, and without warning, Holly felt her body lean forward as she pressed a gentle kiss on the top of Gail's head. "See you tomorrow morning," she softly said, before turning to walk back up the stairs to her room.


End file.
